HOUSE AGREES TO RAISE 'DA ROOF IN RARE CONGRESSIONAL RAVE

While a deal to raise the debt ceiling remains elusive, the House of Representatives today overwhelmingly approved a measure to Raise 'da Roof in an unusual after-hours session that lasted until daybreak. John Boehner (R-Ohio) opened the proceedings by taking the mic and declaring “Yo, yo, yo – Speaker in 'da House. Ain't none of y'all leavin' till we done blowed 'da lid off this mo-fo,” all while banging his gavel in time to a funky beat.

The Speaker then introduced special guest artists “The Gang of Six” from the Senate who mixed and scratched the rest of the event. Lead singer Max Baucus (D-MT) stepped up first saying “Hey . . . ho . . . hey . . . ho,” to which Michele Bachmann (R-MN) replied “Hello . . . um, hi.”

Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) intoduced a resolution for all members to “Put they hands in 'da air.” After a brief debate, Hal Rogers (R-KY) proposed an amendment to “Wave 'em all around like ya just don't care” and the resolution passed by a vote of 434 “Hell yea's” to 0 “Hell no's” with Ron Paul (R-TX) abstaining.

A glassy-eyed Eric Cantor (R-VA) next took the floor and in an apparent attempt to freestyle said “Yo, what up, G-money-dog . . . trippin' ballz ba-donka-bling.” Sources close to Cantor later admitted that the Majority Leader had no fucking clue what he was saying and that he might have been under the influence of some Special K Street lobbyists (wink-wink).

The session began to wind down near 5:30 EDT, shortly after a bill introduced by Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) to officially declare the Tea Party the “Raucous Caucus” mercifully killed itself in committee. Speaker Boehner disbanded the meeting, taking the mic once more to say “Peace, out!” Despite a lengthy, bi-partisan ovation, there was no encore. Representatives retired to caucus at separate tables at a nearby Denny's.

When asked if there would be support in the Senate for a similar Roof Raising, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) replied “Fo' shizzle.”

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SAMPLE BALLOT FROM LIBYAN ELECTIONS

In a shocking development, the official Libyan news agency JANA is reporting that Libya will soon hold elections. A sample ballot is shown below:


Supreme All-Time Prime Colonel President for Life
(Check one)
[] M. Gadhafi
[] M. Gaddafi
[] M. el-Qaddafi
[] M. Khadafy
[] M. Khadafi

Sir Realism

News from Minneapolis

From: bfarve@mnvikings.com
To: bob@stpaultireandbattery.com
Subject: re -- tires

Bob-

White-walls.

-Brett



From: bob@stpaultireandbattery.com
To: bfarve@mnvikings.com
Subject: Tires

Mr. Farve-

Did you want those new radials for the 2011 Navigator in white-walls or black-walls?

-Bob

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