“LOOKER” ON PRESIDENTIAL VIEWING LIST

In a week filled with high-profile speeches, President Obama and his staff apparently took time to relax with an 80’s movie night, screening the science-fiction thriller “Looker.” Albert Finney stars as a plastic surgeon who uncovers a plot to covertly add hypnotic sparkles in the eyes of televised spokes-models, thus making their pitches irresistible to audiences. Time for the 1981 Michael Crichton-directed picture also starring Susan Dey and James Coburn was squeezed into a week already packed with a speech to American school children and an address to Congress on health care reform.
Speaking with a gleam in his eye before a nodding and compliant press corps, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs would neither confirm nor deny the presidential viewing habits. “President Obama and his staff enjoy a wide range of movies,” Gibbs said utterly convincingly. With complete sincerity, Gibbs added, “Movies nights are strictly for entertainment purposes and nothing, I repeat nothing should be inferred from them.”
A Freedom of Information Act filed with Netflix revealed that other titles recently in the Oval Office queue include “The Parallax View,” “The Manchurian Candidate” (original and remake), “The Matrix” and “Road Trip: Beer Pong.”

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL NAZI CLUB “DISAPPOINTED” BY OBAMA RECRUITMENT EFFORT

A representative of M.L. King High School’s Nazi Club reported that President Barack Obama’s much anticipated speech to school children had done little to increase interest in the organization. A general meeting of the club was held yesterday afternoon in anticipation of receiving a wealth of new members having been indoctrinated in Nazi philosophy by President Obama via a television address earlier in the day.

“ I was really hoping that we could double, even triple our membership,” said Club President Kevin McNally, standing alone in room 213 under a hand-written banner reading “WELCOM (sic) NEW MEMBERS.” McNally’s estimated membership uptick was based primarily on repeated reports heard on right-wing radio and placards displayed at town hall meetings. Having listened to the Obama speech in 4th period Civics, McNally described himelf as, “Really bummed and let down,” that the leader of the free world “didn’t push the Nazi agenda more.” “I mean,” McNally continued, “It was just junk about staying in school and getting good grades.” McNally acknowledged that “some of the stuff about, like, helping each other to make the country better,” could possibly be construed as nationalism or socialism, “but only if you really stretch it.” “I’m not sure this guy even is a Nazi,” McNally went on, noting that eight months into the Obama administration’s first term, there remain few examples of him oppressing Jews, intellectuals, homosexuals or Negroes.

After checking the hall once more for possible new recruits, McNally called the meeting to order. Acting also as secretary, treasurer and membership, McNally read the minutes of the previous meeting and the treasurer’s report, moved to approve them, seconded the motion and, by voice vote, approved them. Lacking any old or new business, the meeting was adjourned and the membership retired to refreshments of sugar cookies with crudely frosted Swastikas and Hi-C.

Next door, in room 215, the local chapter of the Student Fascists were reported to be similarly disappointed.