An untold number of dieters
are at risk of having their secret snack cake desires publicly
exposed in the wake of the hacking of the Dolly Madison website. It's
not yet known how many Dolly Madison user profiles were compromised,
but experts believe that potentially millions of supposedly committed
dieters have been to the site. “I just went there to look at the
Cherry Pies,” said one frequent visitor identified only as Charlie
B. “Good grief, I never actually cheated on my diet.” Another
Dolly Madison regular, Linus V.P. said “I'd been committed to my
diet for years but over time, the snack cakes became very infrequent.
I had a craving and I could fulfill it at Dolly Madison.” “I
just wanted a Zinger and my regular diet wasn't giving it to me,”
said Peppermint P.
Agencies from around the
globe are investigating the crime. “Law enforcement takes snack
cakes and pastries of any kind very seriously and we're um . . .
collecting evidence as we speak, “ said FBI spokesman Erin Spoelker.
When reporters noted a powdery, white substance on Spoekler's fingers
and necktie, he denied that it was powdered sugar, insisting that it
was “probably just cocaine.”
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