HOUSE LOSING ITS BOEHNER

After October, the House of Representatives will no longer have a Boehner for the first time since 1990. The Boehner represented a parts of Southeastern Ohio near Dayton and Cincinnati. The Boehner was raised to it's highest position in 2006. Observers have often criticized the Boehner as ineffective noting its inability to reach across the aisle. Other members from the Boehner's own party have also been critical of the Boehner for not leaning as far to the right as they do.  

DIET CHEATERS FEAR EXPOSURE IN DOLLY MADISON WEBSITE HACK

An untold number of dieters are at risk of having their secret snack cake desires publicly exposed in the wake of the hacking of the Dolly Madison website. It's not yet known how many Dolly Madison user profiles were compromised, but experts believe that potentially millions of supposedly committed dieters have been to the site. “I just went there to look at the Cherry Pies,” said one frequent visitor identified only as Charlie B. “Good grief, I never actually cheated on my diet.” Another Dolly Madison regular, Linus V.P. said “I'd been committed to my diet for years but over time, the snack cakes became very infrequent. I had a craving and I could fulfill it at Dolly Madison.” “I just wanted a Zinger and my regular diet wasn't giving it to me,” said Peppermint P.

Agencies from around the globe are investigating the crime. “Law enforcement takes snack cakes and pastries of any kind very seriously and we're um . . . collecting evidence as we speak, “ said FBI spokesman Erin Spoelker. When reporters noted a powdery, white substance on Spoekler's fingers and necktie, he denied that it was powdered sugar, insisting that it was “probably just cocaine.” 

Soccer Players React to News of FIFA Scandal

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VOLUPTURAPTOR

INDIANA ADDS “WE'RE NOT HOMOPHOBES, BUT . . .” TO RELIGIOUS FREEDOM LAW

In an attempt to address protests and the threat of boycotts stemming from the recent passage of Indiana's Religious Freedom Restoration Act, the Indiana legislature has amended the act to add the phrase “We're not homophobes, but . . .” at the beginning. Further amendments to add language confirming that Indiana “Has lots of gay friends,” and “is totally OK with that,” are also being considered.  

Party Rockers in the Cold Tonight

Give til it hurts