Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
OREGON DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY AS WASHINGTON SHOWS UP WITH MUNCHIES AT 4 AM
Oregon Governor John
Kitzhaber declared a State of Emergency early this morning as the
entire population of Washington state descended on its southern
neighbor with little warning following the Seattle Seahawks victory
in the Superbowl Sunday night. The first signs of trouble came at
3:48 am when Kitzhaber's office received a text from Washington
Governor Jay Inslee's cell number saying “Duuuude, we're coming
ovr.” Widespread reports of crowds massing at 7-Elevens near the
Washington/Oregon border began coming in shortly after. What
initially appeared to be a makeshift refugee camp in suburban
Portland was later found to be the line for a table at a Waffle
House.
The Oregon National Guard is
said to be working on air-lifting extra extra extra extra large thin
crusts with half pepperoni and black olives, and half veggie supreme
to the worst hit areas. The Red Cross is also aiding in the relief
effort, sending blankets, water and several tractor trailers full of
Cheez-Its.
Already, there is some
criticism of the speed of the reaction to the crisis by Oregon
emergency agencies. Eugene resident Tammy Lacefield said “We really
should have been able to see this coming by the end of the third
quarter at least,” and further noted that while Washington is a
good friend and they go way back, they pull this shit all the time.
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