Referee's microphone to be auto-tuned
by Cee Lo Green on all Sunday Night games.
Failure to refer to the Line Judge,
Back Judge, Field Judge or Side Judge as “your honor” will be
flagged for Contempt of Football resulting in a 15 yard penalty and
loss of down.
Reduction in number of times fans
allowed to shout “You suck, ref!” from 800,000 per quarter to
700,000 per quarter.
Someone will finally explain to the
umpire and referee why this game has both an umpire and a referee.
Narrower, more slimming stripes
permitted on uniform shirts at the discretion of the Line Judge.
Revised signal for Unsportsmanlike
Conduct assessed on a coach now uses only middle digits.
Sideline review monitor required to
have the Sundance Channel and Sunday NFL Ticket.
Holding no longer a penalty 'cos we're
just all sick of calling it.
Wide receivers and kick returners
required to run at speeds that officials can keep up with.
Referee permitted to snicker as needed
when calling “Illegal (snort!) Touching.”
Unrestricted touchdown celebrations
allowed if officiating crew is invited (BYOB.)
All negotiations between the NFL and
the Officials Union must be sealed with a firm, very firm handshake
between Roger Goodell and Ed Hochuli.
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