OBAMA CELEBRATES SUPREME COURT DECISION BY GETTING STAFF SICK

Following today's landmark decision by the Supreme Court upholding the most controversial aspects of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, President Obama celebrated by infecting the White House Staff with step throat. White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, speaking with a raspy voice announced that the president apparently touched an infected person and failed to wash his hands before taking congratulatory handshakes from staff members. The disease spread quickly and soon nearly every member of the president's staff was infected. Carney said “The President wanted to show America that everyone, including his staff, would be able to visit a doctor for say . . . a throat culture and a script for Amoxicillin whenever they need it. Now, for example.” Senior White House Advisor David Plouffe appeared to have a natural immunity to the strep bacteria and was not infected despite close contact with the President and other staffers who with fevers and swollen lymph nodes. However, Plouffe tripped down the stairs and sprained his ankle requiring an ER visit in a show of solidarity. “Are there any questions?” Carney said moments before launching into an extended coughing fit. None were asked and the press corp left the briefing room in record time while applying copious amounts of hand sanitizer. 

Why does my bank have a sign with a thermometer on it? Is there some relationship between air temperature and APR buried in the arcania of my mortgage that I overlooked?

Bulletbra Parking Only