KIM JONG-UN MARRIAGE CONFIRMED IN ASHLEY MADISON STATUS UPDATE

Kim Jong-un, the reclusive Supreme Leader of North Korea, has updated his Ashley Madison profile, changing his relationship status to “married.” While many western observers had long believed Kim Jong-un to be “in a relationship,” that line of his profile had previously been left blank. Representatives of the adult social website known for the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair” declined to comment on the specifics of the status update, and referred all other inquiries to their FAQ page. Much of Kim Jong -un's profile remains blank, including “location” “age” and “favorite thing to do on a first date.” Other biographical information on the newly minted dictator is available from the website. The “occupation/career” category lists “Supreme Leader of North Korea,” “education” shows “some college” and under “favorite movie” is “American Pie 4 – Band Camp.” Kim Jong-un describes himself as a “straight male seeking women for fun, chat, cyber sex and enriched plutonium.” The veracity of the profile remains in doubt however. Skeptics have noted that the profile photo does not match any known images of Kim Jong-un and appears to be a promotional still of Richard Gere from the movie “Shampoo.”

HAVING FOUND HIGGS-BOSON PHYSICISTS NOW SEEK HUGE BOSOM

In the wake of finding the elusive Higgs-Boson particle after decades of tedious searching, jubilant scientists at CERN are now turning their attention to finding a Huge Bosom for some super colliding. Researchers close to the project say that they believe the Huge Bosoms can be naturally occurring or man-made, and while they would generally prefer to find the former, right now they're not going to be picky. Experiments with CERN's Large Hadron Collider provided the evidence for the Higgs-Boson particle and it's predicted that having the world's largest collider will also give them an advantage in the new quest. Huge Bosoms have been observed by the CERN team at bars and night clubs around Geneva but they have yet to be closely examined because, lets face it, these guys are nuclear physicists.