Doomsday Theorist: "Hallmark Calendar Predicts End Times"

Citing painstaking research of his Hallmark wall calendar, self-described doomsday theorist Aaron Fulcher predicts that the "End of Days" will commence at midnight on December 31st. "It's all right here in black and white," Fulcher said as he thumbed through the Hallmark "Country Scenes" calendar, "Along with nice pictures of barns and cows and stuff." Fulcher describes the makers of the calendar as "really, really smart," noting their ability to accurately predict events such as phases of the moon, equinoxes and Presidents' Day. But the calendar ends abruptly on December 31st, which Fulcher takes as a sign that this will be the last day of existence of as we know it. Fulcher is anticipating a cataclysmic event akin to the Rapture, a nuclear Holocaust, or "that time I accidentally mixed Theraflu and Percocets." "It's gonna totally suck," he predicts.

The calendar, or "Doomsday Book" as he now calls it, appeared unexpectedly last December in Fucher's cubicle at Petrone Telephone Sales Center, where Fulcher is employed at a customer service representative, accompanied by a note reading "Aaron, hope this helps you get organized, Happy Holidays, Secret Santa." "I don't know who this Secret Santa is or why they choose me, but I feel like it's my duty to warn the world." When asked if he considered himself a prophet, Fulcher replied, "No, I'm not in this for the money."

Hallmark had no comment except to say that it plans on releasing a 2011 version of the "Country Scenes" calendar later this year.