RUSH LIMBAUGH'S LAST SHRED OF DIGNITY SPOTTED HITCHHIKING

The last shred of dignity belonging to radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was recently seen hitchhiking along the San Diego Freeway. Kelly Foldenauer, a representative of the California Department of Self-Respect said that a motorist had reported seeing a shred of dignity matching the description of Limbaugh's at a truck stop near Oceanside late Sunday night. “We see a lot of abandoned dignities in Southern California. Especially right after Oscars. It's a shame. Or in this case, a dignity.” Friends of the shred of dignity say that it had been chronically malnourished since taking the job with Limbaugh's show and they fear for it's well-being after years of abuse.

The shred of dignity had not been seen since Limbaugh's March 1^st broadcast. According to Craig Arrington, a production assistant with the Limbaugh show, the shred became visibly agitated a day earlier when Limbaugh referred to the Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke as a “slut” and a “prostitute.” “Limbaugh's dignity never had much to do around here,” said Arrington, “so he was usually just sitting in the corner reading Mother Jones. But when Rush started in on that girl, he bristled.” As Limbaugh continued the next day and suggested that Fluke should sell video of herself having sex to pay for contraception, the shred of dignity said, “That's it. I'm outta here,” and discretely exited the building.

Speculation as to the destination of Limbaugh's last shred of dignity has centered on an island of off Baja California where Morton Downey Jr.'s morals allegedly established a commune nearly twenty years ago. Glen Beck's reason is also believed to be living there along with Howard Stern's decency. The driver who reported the shred of dignity offered to give it a lift, but he was headed north to Fresno and the dignity was going south.