Hoping to calm public concerns, The
Atomic Energy Commission has released a statement saying that the
risk of exposure to radioactive materials from aging atomic clocks is
“Minimal.” Spokesperson Ryan Shiverdecker said that the agency
has fielded several calls from concerned citizens with the popular
and highly accurate timepieces on their mantels, walls and desks.
“The warranties on many of these clocks expire on April 1st,
so people were understandably worried that if that the small amount
of plutonium-238 that powers them were to leak, it would pose a
health risk,” Shiverdecker said. “Even if such a leak were to
occur, the risk would be very small, akin to drying one's genitalia
in a microwave oven in most instances.” The Commision recommends
that if you wake up on April 1st with a pool of green
liquid around your clock or all of your pets are mysteriously dead
and glowing, that you carefully place the clock in a large baggie,
seal it with duct tape and check with your local department of waste
removal. Or just hit the snooze button.
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